#dayeleven

Seeing a little boy today at the park on what looked like his first bike being pushed by his dad with him running frantically behind shouting words of encouragement made me smile but a wave of grief just hit me.

The realisation of Not having our first daughter here running next to me jumping in the puddles in her wellies and rain mac on just like I always imagined as I walked past them with our rainbow in the pram.

Takes me back to the earlier days when I was pregnant with Violet and imagined all the things we’d be doing together. When those images don’t happen your whole world falls apart, ours fell apart withinminutes.

I’ve come to realise that this is going to be our life forever with everything that we see and everything that our rainbow does too knowing that one of our children will never get the opportunity.

I can’t remember what my life was like before grief, can you?

You learn to live with the pain and heartache every single day. Remember as always ‘you are not alone’ there’s always someone walking a similar path.

Be kind always just because it’s two years down the line doesn’t mean to say grief has packed its bags and gone.

It doesn’t mean to say that we aren’t hurting every day of our lives.

It doesn’t mean to say you can now stop asking ‘how we are.

It doesn’t mean to say you can’t talk about our children.

And it doesn’t mean to say that we are fixed it means behind the faces we are dealing with a life time of grief and we are still learning to live with the new normal.